Episode 124: Pandemic Marriages - Will they survive or fail?

Listen to this Episode of "Coffee with Gringos" here or on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play and Stitcher.

Paige: You are listening to “Coffee with Gringos.” I’m Paige Sutherland.

Ian: And I'm Ian Kennedy.

Paige: So today, with probably the least favorite holiday for people who are single—Valentine's Day. Some countries celebrate it, the US goes way overboard. It's basically the hallmark holiday of love. True love, everyone. So today, we figured in honor of that holiday, we would do a little episode. So again, listeners if you get lost, check out that audio guide and transcript online at www.dynamicenglish.cl. So, Ian, this pandemic—marriages. Do you think that they've increased or decreased during this time period of the world ending?

Ian: That's a tough question. I think it could go either way really, both with marriages and divorces. So, I really have to think about this one but I'm going to take a wild guess and say that they have increased?

Paige: Yeah, good guess. So, I was reading this article today, it came out in the New York Times, and it was talking about how when there's tragedy—after a big hurricane, after a disaster—that they see that there's a spike in marriages. And, I guess, the therapy behind it is that people have this sense of, they need security, they need safety, and so they might, latch onto the person closest to them or if they're in a relationship already makes it more secure by marrying that person. And so, they were saying that in the early months of the pandemic, it was a backlog of people trying to get marriage licenses in New York City. That they had to go to the neighboring suburb and then it has been up over seventy percent from marriage licenses. So, you just see crazy numbers. I was very surprised by this.

Ian: You know, I thought it was an increase but I didn't know it would be that big of an increase. It's interesting what you explained too when people go through a tragedy, when they feel insecure, it's natural to want to find security in that person that you love, especially too if you think, maybe the world's going to end. Kind of like an apocalypse love kind of a feeling that can really circulate pretty quickly among people that think life is short, it's not guaranteed. Maybe I should spend my time more wisely and more preciously with the person that I love. So, again, it doesn't surprise me that the number is up, but seventy percent? That's a big increase.

Paige: Yeah, so that was just for one area outside New York City, but it seems like all over that there's an increase in requests for marriage licenses. With this pandemic, we can't control anything.  We're in quarantine one day, we're not the next. Vaccines are going well; they're not going well. So, there's just all this uncertainty. But I guess people that have been surveyed say that what they can control is the decisions they make in their life which is who they choose to be a partner with and live their life with and so that's some of the research behind it. But I thought it was interesting just because marriage is such a big decision that I hope these numbers aren't people who are just rushing into things because they're lonely. I hope its people who we're going to marry this person but just kind of made it a little quicker. Otherwise, we're just going to see huge divorce rates in 2021 or 2022.

Ian: Yeah, I was going to say, you know, nowadays we already see the divorce rate it's such a high level but it wouldn't surprise me at all exactly what you're describing. People are lonely, or they they're feeling insecure so they want to lock down that feeling of security and love that they have. But then once the pandemic goes away, more or less, and we get back to normality, it'll be interesting to see how those emotions and those feelings sustain in relationships because maybe once things go back to normal, maybe those feelings and that commitment might fade. And, like you said, I hope people don't do it and then have these regrets later. And, unfortunately, just because we're being realistic, I have to say I think we'll probably see a spike in the divorce rates as well. But yeah, like you mentioned, it's this feeling of uncertainty. Life is short and let's do this thing. And again, hopefully it's not just because they're bored or they feel like they need something to do during the pandemic. I hope it's actually from a place of love and, like you said, maybe it was something they were considering and it took a pandemic for them to really push comes to shove and go to the aisle and actually do it. So, I think there's going to be a mix of people who were just waiting for that moment to say, “Okay, it's time.” And then there's going to be also people who say, “What did we do? What did I do?”

Paige: Yeah, I definitely think that this pandemic has tested every relationship, and I'm happy for people who it showed them that they can work and they're going to be good partners. But I definitely think there's relationships that have suffered because regardless of romantic partners or friendships or roommates, spending any amount of time like we have in this pandemic locked inside, doing nothing but be with each other, was definitely a test. So, if you can survive and not want to kill that person after five months, sounds like you probably have a pretty solid relationship. Yeah, I definitely think there's probably, like you said, been some divorces where you're like, “Damn, you don't go to the office every day. You're annoying.”

Ian: I can’t do this. Yeah, exactly. It's a great point you mentioned. It's a great test. You know, if you've been quarantining with someone for a long time during all this and it's and it's gone fantastic, that’s probably a good sign that you have the chemistry for a long-term relationship. But if you've been at each other's throats the whole time then probably there are probably some things to address if it's happening more often than it should. But then I even think about the other people who decided to really jump into the deep end of the pool and the ones who they met during quarantine, like started dating during quarantine, and are engaged getting married only knowing each other during this time of pandemic and quarantine.  For me, that's such a bold move. And those are the people I'd really like to sit down and talk to, interview them and say “What brought you to this point? How are you moving forward from here having known each other just for a year? And a year of a pandemic? It's quite a new way to get to know somebody.

Paige: I completely agree. I feel like, I mean, I can honestly say who I am in quarantine in a pandemic is not who I was and I probably will go back to who I was. I'm thirty-one years old, this is just such a weird time where we are all kind of letting our freak flag fly and just having weird lifestyles because the world's ending. But I feel like once life is back, we go to the office again, we get a routine back, we go to bars and hang out with her friends again and our family. I feel like, we'll probably sadly go back to our old selves. So, I feel like it'd be difficult if you met someone who you've never even gone on a date with outside your house. You can't really go to a traditional movie, dinner date. You can't go and meet all their friends at the bar and have those interactions. So, yeah, it would be tricky. I mean, I hope whoever's listening, if you've had those relationships that they go well. I I feel like you wouldn't really know someone completely if you've only ever known them in this weird oasis of timeframe during a pandemic.

Ian: And it's not to say like you said, it's not to say that those relationships don't happen or they don't flourish but I think for most people, that would be a really bold move considering how uncertain things are right now, how different things are. Again, if you make a decision now during this time, hopefully it's something that is a good decision in your mind later. Hopefully, getting married during the pandemic isn't like the new tribal tattoo, where you get a tattoo and then you regret it the rest of your life or later on down the road. So again, I totally hope that everyone who's in the situation, I hope you stay in love and you have a great relationship but for me thinking about doing that myself or, most people doing that I think is a pretty daunting feeling. Like I said earlier, a pretty bold move to make during this time.

Ian: Coffee with Gringos officially has over one hundred episodes and we are among the “Top Podcasts in Chile.” And that's thanks to you, but we're always working to grow our audience. So, make sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Tik Tok, LinkedIn, and even Snapchat. But most importantly—rate, review, and share us with all of your friends, family and coworkers. And if you want to take your English education to the next level, sign up for private or group classes with native English-speaking teachers at dynamicenglish.cl.

Paige: So, during this time, I mean, me and you are both at an age where a lot of our friends are getting married. We go to a lot of weddings. It’s sad, I've had a lot of friends that have had to postpone their weddings, cancel their weddings. Have you had similar issues?

Ian: Yes, so unfortunately, one of my best friends had wedding plans to get married in Colorado, last year in June. And since June was the peak of the first wave, they obviously had to postpone it. So, they postponed it one time. They postponed it until August and they wanted to invite everyone they originally had invited—all the friends, all the family, have a big event out of it. But the pandemic just didn't allow for this to be able to do this safely and so, they had to ask themselves the question: do we continue to postpone until this is over when everyone can join us? Or should we just go ahead and do it and whenever it's safe we can have some sort of event or reception?  And so, they ended up deciding just to go out and have the wedding in August with a small group of friends, a small group of family. I don't blame them at all. I don't think I would want to play this waiting game of, okay let's keep postponing, let's keep postponing. Here we are in February, 2021, and we're still in quite a mess. So, it's a good thing that they went ahead and just did it. But yeah, it was definitely sad for me, one of my best friends whose wedding I really wanted to go to and it just wasn't possible. So sadly, I had to look at the pictures, watch it on social media and things like this. So, what about you, Paige? Have you had any weddings that you were able to go to and they were pandemic style weddings or maybe they got canceled altogether?

Paige: I had quite a few that got canceled but one of my best friends from childhood, her and her fiancé were dating like eight years, so it was kind of about time that they were getting married. So, when the pandemic hit, their wedding moved from June to August but then by August of 2020, things were still really bad. So, they just had a backyard pandemic wedding with just the wedding party and their close family, probably thirty people, and I was the maid of honor. And so, I had to really help plan the wedding. It was kind of a shit show because they just bought their house that week, so they had boxes everywhere and they didn't know the yard and the yard was a mess and we had to buy chairs and all. You know, it was just, I remember the day of the wedding, I was getting our hair done professionally but then someone forgot ice so I had to drive to the store to get ice and setup everything.  So, it was very backyard wedding and the party favors were masks that had their names on them. It was odd but I was glad that they got married. They've been dating so long, so I think they just really wanted to move to that next step even if it wasn't you the dream, traditional wedding with the two hundred plus people that they wanted. It all worked out and no one got COVID. It was very safe which was nice.

Ian: We've had so many of these, like you mentioned, these somewhat normal weddings—normal weddings during the pandemic. But it's also interesting to think that this really high percentage of people getting married, I imagine are probably just going and doing a Vegas-style wedding or just going down to the courthouse and getting their piece of paper that says “You two are now officially married.” and that's it. So, like you said, a big long line of people just waiting to get that piece of paper—nothing formal, no big party. So, while we're talking about these anecdotes of quote-unquote normal weddings, I imagine there are many, many, many that are just these very quick shotgun, just happened really quickly, So I can't imagine what the office is for the courts or are these people are like. Just a revolving door of people coming in and out, getting those marriage licenses.

Paige: So yeah, it’s definitely been a crazy year so for all those people who rushed to the altar, I hope you have a successful long marriage. It is definitely a dark time so it's good that people found love, if that's the case. So again, listeners if you get lost, check out that audio guide and transcript online at dynamicenglish.cl. Thanks for listening.

Ian: We'll see you next time.

Paige: “Coffee with Gringos” was brought to you by Dynamic English, where you can learn English simply by using it. If you’re interested in taking classes or just want to learn more, go to our website at dynamicenglish.cl. Thanks for listening.

Key Vocabulary, Phrases & Slang:

 1.     to go overboard (phrasal verb): to be very enthusiastic about something.

a.     The couple always goes overboard when celebrating Valentine’s Day.

2.     hallmark (noun): a distinctive or special mark to indicate something.

a.     Beef Wellington is the restaurant’s hallmark dish.

3.     spike (noun): a sharp increase.

a.     There has been a large spike in marriages since the pandemic started.

4.     to latch onto (someone) (verb): to attach oneself to someone else.

a.     The little girl latches onto her cousin because she loves her so much.

5.     backlog (noun): an accumulation of something that is uncompleted.

a.     We have a backlog of sales orders that we need to complete as soon as possible.

6.     to lock down (phrasal verb): to secure something.

a.     People are locking down their relationships and deciding to get married.  

7.     to fade (verb): to gradually decrease and disappear.

a.     I hope that these pandemic marriages won’t fade later in the future.

8.     push comes to shove (idiom): when a situation becomes serious or difficult.

a.     When push comes to shove, people are deciding to get married during this strange time.

9.     to be at each other’s throats (idiom): to argue and fight with someone else.

a.     They decided to get married even though they are always at each other’s throats.

10.  to jump into the deep end of the pool (idiom): to be in a completely new and brave situation; to make a big decision with no experience.

a.     Some people have decided to jump into the deep end of the pool and marry someone who they met only during the pandemic.

11.  to let one’s freak flag fly (idiom): to not hide one’s true personality or characteristics.

a.     The pandemic has allowed people to let their freak flags fly and live in different ways.

12.  to flourish (verb): to grow and develop in a healthy way.

a.     Love can flourish during times of great difficulty.

13.  down the road (idiom): in the future.

a.     I hope we can all find true love either now or down the road.

14.  daunting (adjective): scary; intimidating.

a.     Even though we are living in a daunting moment, we will survive.

15.  maid of honor (noun): member of a bride’s wedding party that helps them with having a successful wedding.

a.     Being the maid of honor during a pandemic wedding has its extra challenges.

16.  shit show (noun, slang): a crazy situation; a mess.

a.     Even though the wedding was a shit show, we had a lot of fun.

17.  quote-unquote (phrase): used to indicate something that someone said.

a.     She told me that she was quote-unquote “tired” and didn’t want to come to the party.

18.  shotgun (adjective): happen really quickly or hurried.

a.     Shotgun weddings are common during these times.